I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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