the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize