standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
