I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
