Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
