Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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