My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
