He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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