exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
