is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
