I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
either way he was missing a nipple.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
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I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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