Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
