I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
