She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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