The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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