So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
