We named our party play list daddy issues
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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