So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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