So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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