I bet he comes in French.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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