i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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