Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I smell like Dick and happiness
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