if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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