Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
