Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
