I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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