we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
