i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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