I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
