R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."