I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.