Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....