Pappa wants mamma naked
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
