He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
