Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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