well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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