textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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