I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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