he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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