Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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