he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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