gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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