I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That accounts for only three of the penises
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
