I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize