Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
