She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
