there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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