jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
