i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
