I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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