Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Come see our sink grown plant.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Drunk is a universal language darling
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
