New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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