oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
