I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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