I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
