we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
