Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
