One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
