Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
