Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
