His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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