can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
