remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
