My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
