First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
