dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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