if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
