i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize