i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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