who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
