I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
